Ah, the eve of my 40th birthday. Oh, what a decade the 30s were for me,
so much lived and learned. Let's take a look back shall we:
Age 30: Worked for a Fortune 500 company in a department that didn't recognize my value. Began making my personal life a priority and made several life changing decisions, one being a breast reduction (best decision ever!). Suffered the consequences of an on again/off relationship. Encouraged by a good friend, I decided to finish my bachelor's degree while working full-time.
Age 31: I began to repair my career reputation in a new role. I entered therapy to try to stop the ongoing choice of bad romantic partners. I joined a beach house - another life changing decision.
Age 32: I met the man who would later become my husband at a beach house party. I began to realize what it really meant to be in a relationship with the right person. I started yet another job within the same company - a job no one else wanted and I didn't enjoy, but excelled nonetheless.
Age 33: I got engaged and planned the wedding/honeymoon while I worked full time and took two college classes every 8 weeks. Thankfully, I had a very supportive fiance.
Age 34: I became a Mrs., enjoyed an amazing honeymoon in Italy, graduated Magna Cum Laude, and began another new job in the company.
Age 35: Began to really dislike my job and my boss after I made the decision not to take the generous severance package offered companywide months prior. My job responsibilities tripled and I was required to travel a lot, causing tension in my new marriage. Finally, after 14 "interesting" years with the same company, I left with a severance package and a new job waiting for me at a small firm. After a year of trying to have a baby, we acknowledged we needed help and pursued infertility treatment. After being labeled "unexplained infertility", I endured three insemination procedures and two IVFs with negative pregnancy test results each and every time. I don't succeed in giving my stepfather the grandchild he had hoped for before he dies of lung cancer.
Age 36: I tell my husband I need a break from the infertility roller coaster. We enjoy some serenity for awhile before I put another project on the table - sell my townhouse and buy our dream home. Shortly after we signed the contract for our dream home, I staged my house like an HGTV pro and we were in a contract within two weeks.
Age 37: While still in my year off from Project Baby, I tried new things like hot yoga and acupuncture and decided to train for the 60 mile 3 Day Susan G. Komen walk in Philadelphia. Shortly thereafter, we switched infertility doctors and I began preparing for my 3rd IVF. In the midst of training for the 3 Day and beginning IVF proceedings, my mom was diagnosed with Stage IV breast cancer and a few weeks later, due to the declining economy, I was laid off from my job of 2 years. In anticipation of a successful IVF, my doctor cautioned against further training and/or participation in the 3 Day. Soon after the procedure, I learned the happy news - we were pregnant with twins! After a few scares along the way and months of vomiting, our healthy boys were born May 28. Six weeks later, I spent a week in the hospital recovering from a potentially life-threatening emergency appendectomy.
Age 38: I struggled terribly with postpartum depression, the daunting responsibility of caring for twins as a stay-at-home-mom, and being the emotional, physical, and financial support for my mother during her illness. There were many a day I truly didn't think I would make it. Many times I was ready to take drastic measures but couldn't hurt my family in that way. I began taking medication to keep me sane and alive.
Age 39: A very emotional year of finding my voice and dealing with the consequences. My mother elected to end her cancer treatments and entered a hospice program. I took my boys to see her for the last time on her 65th birthday. Less than 4 months later, I watched her take her last breath. Now, nearly three months later, I am no longer medicated and I am on the verge of a new decade of possibilities. My mother's death, as unfortunate the event, has set me free to realize all the things she hoped for me and all the things I had hoped for myself. I am becoming the wife I wanted to be, the mother I secretly thought I could be, the friend one would treasure and the individual who knows her contributions matter and are valued. C'mon 40, LET'S DO THIS!!
